As a kindergartener, Paige bounced out of bed and completed her morning routine. She often had plenty of time to play with her toys before she put on her coat and headed to the bus stop.
Now Paige's mom spends the morning pulling Paige from one area to another. Out of bed, to the breakfast table, to her clothes, to the bathroom. By the time Paige has left for school, everyone is exhausted.
Paige is not unusual. The excitement of school is gone. What motivation does Paige have to get ready?
Why Won't a Child to Get Ready for School?
Coaxing. Begging. Yelling. These are common tactics used by parents to get their child out the door on time. But they rarely work or provide a long-term solution. This is because parents are looking at the immediate goal – to get their child fed and clothed and out to the bus on time. But, often, the child's goal is overlooked.
There are many reasons behind the child's resistance to get ready for school. Some children just want to sleep in as long as possible. Some want to play. Others, refuse to move in order to resist the parent.
The first thing the parent needs to determine is if the child is distracted with his own agenda or is resisting parental direction.
Focusing Distracted Children
Children at this age know when they go to school that they will be gone all day and participating in activities and lessons that they may not want to do. So they spend the morning trying to fit in their favorite activities.
To help this child focus, begin talking about the morning routine the night before. Make a chart together, listing all the things that must be done before the child can play. This things include getting up, dressing, eating breakfast, and brushing teeth and hair. Each family is unique and other things may be on the list, such showering or making lunch.
Once the chart is completed, talk about how long it will take to do each activity. Determine the amount of time it will take to get ready for school.
Now discuss what the child wants to accomplish before getting on the bus. Does he want to play the computer or ride his bike? How much time does he want to do these things? Add this time to the before school routine and determine a waking time.
Spend the first few days doing frequent checks for completion. Never go back on the reward of having time to himself. Five or ten minutes before departure time, give the child a warning. The parent should allow a few minutes to gather backpacks, lunches and coats.
After a few days, the parent should be able to leave the child to the routine. If the child is unable to complete the routine before departure time the natural consequence will be that the child has lost his free time to play. If the child starts slipping back into the old routines, parents should backtrack and spend the time before bed discussing the expectations for the morning.
If the chart is not helping as much as a parent hoped, there are a few things a parent can do. Make the child prepare as much as possible in the evening. This means picking clothes out, making lunch, and setting out the breakfast dishes.
Continue this for a few days, making frequent connections to the fact that, since he does not want to take the time to do it in the morning, it must be done at night. After days of this, discuss with the child which method he prefers: getting ready in the morning or preparing at night. Follow the child's wishes in order to make morning time as pleasant and independent as possible.
Allow Natural Consequences for Resisting Behaviors
Cleanliness and a healthy breakfast are important for a productive day. That's why parents spend mornings before school shouting orders to make sure it all gets done.
Parents hate this morning battle. They feel guilty that they have spent the morning yelling at their children. They feel frustration that the passage of time does not improve the chances that the morning routine will be done independently.
What many families are experiencing is a power struggle. The more power the parent exerts, the stronger the child fights. That's why the arguing, pushing, and coaxing is a short-term solution. It is time for the parents to allow the child to figure out what is important on their own. As hard as it may be, parents need to remember that the current method is failing. Something new must be tried.
Peers can often provide more motivation than parents. So let the child fail to complete the morning routine. The peers will let the tween know in pretty basic terms that his breath is bad or that he stinks. His stomach growling in class will embarrass him and remind him why breakfast is so important in the morning.
The Importance of Having a Good Morning
Parents are rightly concerned about having a good morning. Adults know that what happens in the morning sets the tone for the day. Rushing around, being yelled at and forgetting lunch is bound to make a child leave the house with some anxiety.
Most often it is possible for the parent to make the morning more pleasant. For the distracted child who is too busy doing his own thing to get ready for school, giving a list of things to accomplish with a reward attached to the end can help. For the resistant child, the best thing for a parent to do is avoid a power play and allow the child to experience the natural consequences that will occur in class or with friends.
MaryBeth Calvin - A long, long time ago, I received my bachelor's degree at Clemson University as a special education teacher and then my Masters in ...
